she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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