I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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