thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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