I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The beer is more important than you right now.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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