We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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