Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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