Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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