How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
