it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
