took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
