I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
