So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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