thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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