i already hear my dad disowning me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ttyl tear gas
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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