There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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