and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
