i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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