I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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