I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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