remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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