my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
