so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
