i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
