Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry about my life...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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