I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
