What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
