I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
