I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
