There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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