I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We talked him into tasing himself.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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