You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
