you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
