And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
