I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
