if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
