The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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