Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
