I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
