we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
