sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
please don't ironically join a cult
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