Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is wine microwaveable?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
