I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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