So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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