i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
