atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
