But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
