so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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