so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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