how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
