How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
