her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
