Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
