the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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