I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
