You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
